Motherhood

I tend to soak in every moment knowing deep down inside that these moments don’t last as long as I want them to. I kiss her as many times as I want to and she’s loving all the displays of affection. I know that one day she’ll say “Enough Amma, let me go”. When that moment comes, I hope I will be able to understand that she’s now a grown up girl and she’s perfectly able take care of herself and it’s time for me to let her go. I hope I can tell myself that I’ve done a pretty good job raising an independent and confident young lady instead of wallowing in self-pity that my baby doesn’t need me anymore.

Our daily morning ritual starts with cuddles and kisses. We then sing a song of praise and say thanks to all our blessings. The rest of the day is filled with hugs, kisses, rolling on the floor, story-time, dancing, singing, laughing and sometimes just being silly. Of course all these take place in between of meltdowns and rage-fits – not everything is as ideal as we imagine them to be. Meltdowns are inevitable part of growing up and I’ve long accepted it to be just that. I know I am here to love her and to be there for her. That’s when I realize that it’s the simple things like these that truly matter. Watching her grow, I found a new meaning to happiness.

My mom has always been on the skimpier side when it comes to displays of affection as compared to my dad. I find myself wondering at times whether she loves me. Now as a mother myself, I know that she loves all her children dearly and chooses to express her love in her own way – most of the time in an unspoken gesture. She prepares sumptuous meals for us daily and coached me relentlessly in my studies. My dad always took the trouble to remind us of how much he loves us. I understand now that words and action comes together to remind a child how precious he/she is. When struggling to adapt to the outside world, a child feels innately insecure and at moments like these that the child needs the assurance from his/her parents that all is well and the child is loved.

I am truly blessed to have conceived, carried and delivered a child into this world. Raising her is so much joy. Having her in my life has given me the strength to face almost anything. I look forward to seeing her grow up. I love this quote: “You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth -Khalil Gibran-“.

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