This past two months have been quite a painful journey for me, emotionally, physically and spiritually. I woke up one day abruptly and hurt my neck. Then it proceeded to debilitating back pain so much so that I can’t stand up straight and the pain was agonizing.
Then I had an emotional swell. It was as if the floodgate opened and all the past hurts and painful past came flooding in without any warning. I was caught off guard and ended up being swept by the emotional current. I found it hard to swim against the current; neither was it easier to accept and flow with it. It was a time that jealousy, hatred and self-loathing all emerged at the same time. It was overwhelming.
It was exactly the same time that my daily meditation and yoga practice came to an abrupt halt due to my physical pain. It felt as it everything was orchestrated perfectly to catch me by surprise just when I least expected it. When my armors were down, I felt the most vulnerable and inevitably sank in it.
Right now I am sitting here feeling bloated, with an expanded waistline, unable to sleep and with a troubled mind. Evil thoughts enter my mind. I decided to pen this down to remind me that I am not invincible; that despite my best practices or habits, my faith can be and will be tested. It lies in my awareness to realize it and to get out of it.
This may all seem too dramatic as it seems now when I am editing this article. But I know I penned down exactly how I felt at that moment.
My Journal 